Returneth

A la Mettenberger, I’m bound for the Classic City. Early morning Megabus double-decker from ATL to downtown ATHENS, GA, I’ll be…

Little early still, so, today I’m looking at the huge influence of our school’s attendees. You’ve got little ol’ me plus many other more (currently) prominent media types. Famous folks, even, like Michael Stipe of REM and Herschel Walker of God’s green Earth.

The coordinating coaches leading a vaunted defense at BAMA, perhaps they will again be the best in the country in total D, and the explosion of offense at GEORGIA, perhaps we will again be the best in the NCAA in yardage per play, were classmates of mine at GEORGIA.

I cheated. Well, not like $Cam Newton at Auburn, #JohnnyFootball at Texas A&M, or more recently and potentially damagingly D.J. Fluker at Alabama, who I met a few weeks ago. Storm a coming Tide fans…a tidal wave that will end in, look this word up: vacated. Not the NCAA or even Aubie alums, an investigative YAHOO! reporter got you.

I “cheated” in the fact that I attended the nation’s oldest state chartered public university from 1990-1993 and 1996-1998, so I have perhaps more prominent classmates than any other DAWG, ever. Little gap in my scholastic resume saw me follow an older Master’s Degree in Microbiology-holding big butt blonde way down to Orlando and back up alone for an Olympic ATL boom, in which I was a restaurant bartender and 24K-gold-hair-and-eyebrows 6-nights-a-week club kid.

Damon Evans, we studied Speech together and both see red. Andre Hastings, big up. You were my first Dawg friend, when we kicked it at orientation for lunch and then the leading of a first “GOOO DAWGS!” on the steps of the Tate Student Center, where a few months later I’d begin three years of work. Garrison Hearst, there is no way in hell you bought yourself that diamond Dawg watch I jokingly asked for the time on at guidance. We were seated under a clock, yours ticking toward the NFL, when I’d see in person in Atlanta your final play. I probably knew it was over for you before you did.

I collided midair with mammoth Jonas Jennings without fear. Super-fast Champ Bailey, I knocked the basketball hard from your future all-pro hands. The ref said, “No foul.” I shot summer rock with Charles Claxton pre S.P.A.C.E.-Center and drank dark booze with him and a few other former Hoop Hounds as recently as two Border Bashes ago. We were in a funk as a program, then, and I was pretty drunk.

Speaking of Cocktail Parties, I used to see the Florida Gators head football coach holding court in the hall every weekday. Like me, he was making the grades and preparing for his future, in ATHENS, GA.

When Auburn had two turnovers yielding 14 points, the difference in the final score from Death Valley Saturday night, the two starting QBs for the Tigers (Bayou Bengal and War Eagle variety) were UGA.

Welcome back to the Classic City, Zach Mettenberger. Your last game Between the Hedges saw you outplay Murray at G-DAY. Do it again, and we are 2-2. And all the boo-birds and fire-everybody-idiots will be back out, and we will be heavily favored in every other game and win out and win the SEC Championship, maybe. Maybe we win Saturday.

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