Strange Schedule Nets National Championship

That’s a headline the Dawg-Nation could stomach, with our coffee washing down the grits n gravy. Ten long years will be upon us since GEORGIA won the SEC (2005) if we again fail to get the conference crown this year, with the most returning talent in the greatest conference in the history of sport. I don’t like our chances in 2015 with a new quarterback replacing Mason, certain to be a less seasoned-over-years-of-practice QB, and with Todd Gurley carrying a Heisman Trophy off to the NFL upon immediate professional eligibility.

It’s a weird schedule this season, to say the least. We play in two towns called Columbia and middle America twice, including Little Rock. We miss a would-be home-and-home at LSU (Boo-Ya, Bengals!), face Auburn at home after two straight trips to the Plains and don’t have to leave our state after early November. Here’s how it goes down, quest for crown:

A day after I turn 44, GEORGIA will deliver my b-day present: Football. Clemson returns that DE but lost both those tall wideouts and the all-time ACC passer, Tajh Boyd, and is nothing if not inconsistent. They’ve mirrored Georgia, actually, often good but never for a full season. We rarely play our nearest geographic rival anymore and very-very rarely lose to them.

AUGUST 30, GEORGIA – CLEMSON (ATHENS) 1-0

Quirk sees us get an immediate bye next, between facing the two premium Palmetto State teams. Here is the most-losable game on the schedule, at Carolina, where Spurrier has them on three straight years with eleven wins. We whipped them by double digits in Athens last year. Chicken-ville ain’t no Athens, y’all. This will be Mason’s first SEC road game as a starting QB. They’re a different team this season but have responded well to attrition. The only shining light is the bye to build a plan. I see us dropping this game, realistically.

SEPTEMBER 13, GEORGIA – SOUTH CAROLINA (COLUMBIA) 1-1

We are an early year .500 again…like as in so many recent seasons. Richt goes in the panic room and prays and Pruitt prepares and for Bobo the big light comes on…way on. That light is named TODD GURLEY. We win out!

SEPTEMBER 20, GEORGIA – TROY (ATHENS) 2-1 – They aren’t good enough to beat us.

SEPTEMBER 27, GEORGIA – TENNESSEE (ATHENS) 3-1 – They aren’t ready for the hobnail.

OCTOBER 4, GEORGIA – VANDY (ATHENS) 4-1 – Franklin era netted one Commodores win, ended.

So, here we sit on the cusp of greatness. We are well into autumn and have only left the Classic City once. We are 4-1 (maybe 5-0). And we are facing the SEC East Champs, sort of, because of any program in the league they are losing the most upperclassmen. I will be attending MIZZOU, by the way, by this point. I have been pre-admitted to get an online master’s degree from the oldest journalism school in the USA. So, I will actually be routing against my own current school, and if that doesn’t strike you as unusual, you are the type of person who believes the middle of America Show Me State is located in the East of the Southeast. Maty Mauck gets paid back for dashing our hopes last year.

OCTOBER 11, GEORGIA – MIZZOU (COLUMBIA) 5-1 – Franklin era netted an East ring, ended.

OCTOBER 18, GEORGIA – ARKANSAS (LITTLE ROCK) 6-1 – Hogs play there once a year.

Oh, great scheduling Gods (AD and head coach), thank you for this BYE. When UGA gets a bye before the Cocktail Party, we win. Four-year students at GEORGIA won’t have seen Gators win in Jacksonville. But this is my pick for a bounce-back team in the SEC. If UGA happens to be undefeated, we just might drop this big game. I don’t see us going 15-0.

NOVEMBER 1, GEORGIA – FLORIDA (JACKSONVILLE) 7-1 – 4 straight for Hairy Dawgs!

We have played eight whole football games and only twice been in an opponent’s regular home stadium, and we get a real road game at Kentucky. The booze flows.

NOVEMBER 8, GEORGIA – KENTUCKY (Lexington) 8-1 – Not basketball.

We own Auburn. The closest rivalry in the history of sport has gone to GEORGIA 6-of-8 times and usually hasn’t been a really close game. The two Auburn wins were by teams that played for it all. $CAM Newton was down by three scores and too much of a pro to lose. Another drugged thief named Nick Marshall was up three scores and couldn’t hold on, until Grantham intervened. He was probably still trying to get a play in when the ball was tipped in a loss to rival any UGA loss, and that’s a whole different blog post. Good guy Murray lost both of those games and, as a result, only Auburn has a .500 or better record against him in big four rivalry games (Florida 3-1; Tennessee 4-0; Tech 3-0; Auburn 2-2).

NOVEMBER 15, GEORGIA – AUBURN (ATHENS) 9-1 – DAWGS!

NOVEMBER 22, GEORGIA – CHARLESTON SOUTHERN (ATHENS) 10-1 – We could also take out the Citadel or the College of Charleston, or an all-star combination of those three programs.

NOVEMBER 29, GEORGIA – GEORGIA TECH (ATHENS) 11-1 – We the best! That’s all you get.

DECEMBER 6, GEORGIA IN SEC CHAMPIONSHIP (ATLANTA) 12-1 – Some year Auburn-Georgia will be an SEC title game rematch of our regular season SEC finale, but I wonder if LSU or BAMA doesn’t get this spot. Regardless, GEORGIA wins. And it doesn’t come down to a coin flip.

PLAYOFFS — 13-1 — 14-1 – “You talking about playoffs!”

—– So a lifelong Dallas Cowboys fan (born Austin; from Fort Worth) will see his beloved alma mater win its first football national championship since 1980 (1942, also a national champion) in the first ever college playoff in the home stadium of the NFL team he wore pajamas of in his crib as a baby…then he will cry like one (tears of joy) and write a book about it all. That is so Herschel Walker.

Glory to Ol’ Georgia, All Glory to God!

www.twitter.com/hanvance — BIG HAIRY BLAWG, copyright and trademark 2008-2014 (C) HV, will be a weekly THU column by Han Vance throughout the ’14 college football season. ATL-based writer Han Vance co-hosts Sports Joc College Football Pre-View and is a regular on The Sports Joc Show. He covers civic issues for Atlanta INtown Paper, arts culture for Art Nouveau Magazine and the Atlanta Hawks for www.FanSided.com / www.ATLallday.com, a partner of www.SI.com – Sports Illustrated. (#UGA1998)